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Instead of aiming to be the heaviest bottom, the most commanding dominant, the subbiest submissive, endeavor to discover and express the human being you are.Because if you’re always comparing yourself, negatively or positively, to other people, I’m going to assume you’re also comparing As a sex worker, orgasms are my business.If you’re always honing in on (especially new) kinksters with the goal of being their first anything, eventually I have to wonder if it’s because you’re worried if they have experience and a frame of reference, they might realize you’re not nearly as adept or knowledgable as you claim.If you use the “teacher” tactic or the offering of a “learning experience” to manipulate inexperienced folks across consent lines or to get in their pants, you’re a lot closer to predator than professor. I understand you have a kink that you adore, and you want to share it with everyone.There is an exchange of energy that is palpable and magnetic.When that reciprocity is lacking, there’s a coldness to the scene that is unsatisfying to me. If I watch someone play and their scenes seem more about putting on a show than connecting with their partner, it turns me off.Not every carnival-goer wants to ride all the rides, and they’re not required to.Not every D-type will automatically play with you just because you identify as an s-type, and not every bottom is contractually obligated to bottom . Ok, this can definitely be a red flag, but I know a lot of awesome people who are still unpacking their internalized misogyny, doing the work of recognizing their privilege, changing their behavior, and making space for femmes, despite the systemic programming we’ve all received to accept patriarchy as a way of life.

Connection to me means that we are both authentic and present in the moment.If you missed that not-so-subtle clue, what else you pick up on? They were mostly enjoyable in the moment, but if the chemistry isn’t right, it just isn’t right.If you thought that approach would work, based on my profile and writings, I seriously question your decision making ability across the board. Nowadays, play is no longer worth it to me unless I have a basic like of and respect for the person(s) I’m playing with, whether Top or bottom.I notice if you use gendered language to derogatorily refer to those who won’t fuck you or play with you or coddle your ego. If you derive your self worth primarily from your perceived position on the bell curve, you’re in for a rude awakening.I hear you dismissing femme/femme scenes as amateurish, or making “jokes” like “there’s no such thing as a Fem Domme, just a female submissive who hasn’t met the right Man yet.” I see you shrugging off so-called “minor” consent violations as “jeez the wimmins are so sensitive it’s like you can’t even talk to them anymore without getting accused of harassment.” I notice, I hear, I see, and I am not impressed. There’s always going to be someone younger, hotter, fresher, more skilled, less skilled, older, more experienced, less experienced, safer, more dangerous…I’ve been in the scene for a decade, and I’ve learned a fair amount. The only thing I truly know is that I don’t know what I don’t know.

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